I was casually checking the Google trends like any normal person does… and bam. Human biltong. Trending. In South Africa.
And the worst part? I didn’t even blink.
Because if any country was going to go viral for something called human biltong, it was going to be us.
At first glance, it sounds like the plot of a bad horror movie set in a butcher shop. But no, this is just a case of good old South African surname chaos.
So… what is “human biltong”?
The name comes from Pieter and Annetjie Human, who run the now-famous Human Biltong Kiosk in Lephalale.
And if your brain immediately thought “do they make biltong from… humans?” then you’re not alone.
The couple has been selling delicious dried meat for 25 years. Their surname just happens to be Human.
That’s it. That’s the punchline.
Speaking to TimesLIVE Premium, 84-year-old Pieter Human said:
“My wife Annetjie and I opened the kiosk 25 years ago. We never even thought the name would create a fuss. It was just our surname.”
But the sign has been turning heads, especially when tourists rock up.
The Americans are not okay, mense
Pieter says international visitors regularly freak out when they see the Human Biltong sign across the road from the local curio shop.
“You should see the Americans. Their eyes nearly pop out. Every one of them gets out of the Kombi, stretches, glances across the road and then they grab their camera bags,” he told TimesLIVE Premium.
“They always use long lenses to take pictures of the sign. Too scared to come any closer.”
Fair.
Because nothing says “Welcome to South Africa” like dried meat and possible cannibalism.
No humans were harmed (promise)
Just to be clear: no actual humans or even Humans are used in the biltong.
Pieter clarified, they only sell “sell yellow fat biltong, liver sausage, boerewors, chilli bites, dry wors, biltong sticks, and many other delicious dried meat products.”
Although one cheeky tourist did ask if he could donate his shin to the cause.
Pieter told him that part “wouldn’t make very nice biltong”. He left with some real biltong anyway.
Honestly, we’re all just one typo away from chaos in this country.
